


Dare to Lose Control

by aspiring_writer17



Category: The Fall (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-10 16:28:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3297014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspiring_writer17/pseuds/aspiring_writer17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stella returns to Belfast for Spector's trial and bumps into Dani, who is now a DCI.</p><p>Stella learns that she is not invincible to her feelings but nerves get the better of her.</p><p>Can Dani break down her walls and convince Stella to truly lose herself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Empty Chair

**Author's Note:**

> For Emma_TheFall who inspired me to write this...

Stella looked out at the city of Belfast from her Taxi. Nothing had changed in the two years since she had been here last, the streets were the same, the weather was the same. She was still the same if she thought about it; same haircut, same pencil skirts teamed with silk blouses, same cool, almost cold mask that she applied for the job. It was almost as if she had never left.

She wondered how many people would still be working in the PSNI, who had risen up the ranks, who had moved to a new city, who had left the force altogether. Some answers she knew already. She knew that Eastwood had retired, so had Burns. She knew that Reed had moved back to London, they had met up for drinks a few times, although being in Croydon, nothing had happened of course. She knew Anderson had been pushed into desk duty, for the injury to his shoulder had caused lasting damage. But what of the rest? Were Glen and McNally still partners? Ferrington and her partner? Would Mary still be there, bustling around, doing what appeared every job under the sun, from making cups of tea to sorting evidence? And what of Rose? And Annie? Had they managed to come to terms with what had happened to them? And Olivia, Stella thought, she’d be almost in high school by now.

As the taxi pulled up to the PSNI building, she focused on what had brought her here, for it was not curiosity, she had been summoned, summoned by the court to give evidence for one of the most memorable cases of her career. Memorable for all the wrong reasons of course though, memorable for endangering and almost killing Rose, for Spector to break into her hotel room and read her most intimate thoughts, for ruining Anderson’s career, for breaking the heart of a little girl who loved her Daddy.

She walked up the steps to the building and pushed open the door. She was greeted by the familiar smell of cheap coffee, white wash paint on the walls, the same green flooring. Nothing had changed.

“Stella, how lovely to see you again,” came the familiar voice of Mary behind her. _Of course,_ Stella thought with a smile.

“Mary,” she said, before even turning around.

“Nice flight ma’am?” she asked.

“Yes, thank you. I’m here to start work on the Spector trial, if you don’t mind I’d like to start straight away?” she said, wanting to waste no time.

“Of course ma’am, we’ve set you up in the same office as before, if you’ll follow me,” she said, leading Stella down the familiar corridor. As they approached the door leading to the set of offices, she paused, heart beating slightly quicker than usual, at the photos on the wall. ‘In Remembrance of our Murdered Colleagues’ she read, noting that the usual ‘Fallen’ had been replaced with the more sinister word, one that reminded her of where she was. She scanned through the photos, seeing if she recognised anyone on the wall. She came across James Olson’s photo, briefly flashbacked to their night together, before someone else caught her attention. She sighed, remembering the face, their kind, brown eyes. She couldn’t remember their name but remembered how she could rely on them.

“That wall seems to get a new photo put on it every other week,” Mary said, coming to stand next to her.

“I remember him,” Stella said, pointing to the photo of the man she recognised.

“Ah yes, PC Brian Stone, he used to partner with Ferrington I think?”

“Yes,” Stella said, remembering at once.

“Such a pity,” Mary said before pausing, “if you’re ready ma’am?” she gestured to the offices.

Stella unpacked her things and set to work, reading over the case once more so that it was fresh in her mind. She had a meeting with trial workers and the core team in an hour and she didn’t want to appear rusty, she had her reputation to uphold. She hated the briefing meeting that came before a trial; they were always the same but always made her feel on edge. Being on edge was something that didn’t sit well with Stella, she disliked anything that had the potential to show cracks in her mask. She poured over the case, absorbing every last detail and before she knew it, Mary was knocking on her door to usher her to the meeting. She was led once again to a familiar room, the room she was in when she was first introduced as the reviewer of Alice Monroe’s murder. She chose a seat at one side of the table, next to a man she didn’t recognise who she assumed was a member of the trial team. Sat on the other side of her were two people she recognised instantly.

“McNally, Martin,” she said, giving them a brief nod before sitting down herself.

“Good flight ma’am?” McNally asked her to which she gave her the same answer she gave Mary.

“Looking good Stella,” Glen said. _It’s always the same with him,_ she thought before giving him a look that said ‘I’m not impressed’ in an attempt to stop his advances before they properly started. It seemed to work as he looked away rather sheepishly.

“Are we waiting for anyone else?” she asked the man at the head of the table, clearly in charge of the debrief.

“Just one more,” he told her and Stella glanced to the one empty chair left, opposite her.

 _Stupid question,_ she chided herself. The minutes ticked by and Stella found herself growing slightly anxious, an emotion she wasn’t usually accustomed to. Both the impending debrief and the matter of who would be the occupant of that chair did nothing to comfort her. She began thinking of the possibilities. Would Burns or Eastwood be coming out of retirement to see the trial through, or would they present their evidence in the form of a written interview? Would Reed be travelling from London for the trial? Surely she would have mentioned something to Stella if she was planning to do that? Maybe Anderson would make a reappearance, she thought. She didn’t like that particular thought. They did not end on a good note when she left Belfast. She regretted spending the night with him and he was not impressed that she had ran to Spector before him after they had both gotten shot. She imagined that the atmosphere would be pretty icy between them if they had to sit opposite each other for the next couple of hours.

A couple of minutes later though, she got the answer to her question. The door opened behind her and she turned her head to see who would be joining their table. She recognised her at once, dressed in her trademark jeans, shirt and blazer, all hugging her figure perfectly. Her flame red hair kissing her shoulders, her hazel eyes soft and inviting.

“Sorry I’m late sir, had a bit of trouble in lock-up,” she said, her Northern Irish accent making Stella’s stomach unexpectedly flip, again something she didn’t like as it was a feeling she had no control over... and she strived for control. She took the seat opposite Stella before smiling at her, that same, cute smile she always seemed to receive from her. Stella smiled back, a slight smirk, suddenly the meeting seemed much more appealing.

“Stella, I believe you know Detective Chief Inspector Ferrington.”


	2. Regaining control

Two hours later Stella left the interview and headed straight for her office. She sat down behind her desk and sighed, trying to understand what it was that she was feeling. She hated not knowing what she felt, what she thought. Stella Gibson was a woman in complete control of her own body, in her thoughts, in her feelings, in her actions. Now, it seemed, her body was letting her down. She looked down at her hands and wiped away the beads of sweat that had formed on them, as though they were a direct indication of her lack of control, of her weakness. She flexed her fingers, noting that they were cold.

 _What the fuck?_ she thought, still not understanding what was happening to her. She knew that it was Ferrington who had caused her to feel like this, she wasn’t that oblivious; she was too self-aware _not_ to know. What she didn’t know was _why_ she felt like this. She didn’t think she liked Dani, not in that way anyway. Sure, she was intelligent, brave, good at her job and she definitely had the cute factor about her, but Stella liked... women, Dani was more of a girl, Stella thought. When Stella was here working on the case two years ago, she thought that Dani may have had feelings towards her, but then again, didn’t she have that effect on people? She remembered back to what Jim had told her.

 _Do you have any idea the effect you have on men?_ she remembered his voice. Truthfully, at the time, she didn’t. She was unaware. Now, however, was a different story. Since Jim’s revelation, she had paid more attention to others around her, how they interacted with her. She had picked up on Glen’s actions, on Anderson’s, on Reed’s even. She had also had her suspicions about Dani. Stella knew she was gay of course, she had come out to her, in this very office in fact. She had noticed that Dani had looked up to her, had done everything Stella asked of her, kept her informed of possible links to the Spector case even after she was no longer attached to it. _Why though?_ she thought. Was it because Dani liked her and wanted to impress her? Or was it just simply a case of the fact that she looked up to Stella, wanted to impress her in a purely professional way? Was that why she was currently feeling like she did, she wondered. _Does she still look up to me? Does she still feel the need to impress me? Do I still need to impress her?_ _Do I_ want _her to look up to me,_ want _to impress her?_ she thought. If Dani were to continue to look up to her, she needed to be someone worth looking up to. Is that why she felt pressure? It would explain why she only felt how she did around Dani. As Stella’s ‘right-hand-man’, Dani would definitely have wanted to impress her.

As Stella reached for her case notes, she felt her unease melt away. She was successful, she thought, in once again analysing her feelings, her actions. She simply had to continue doing what she usually did and Dani would continue to look up to her. The pressure had gone. She had understood why it presented itself and now she would act accordingly.

She was startled from her reading by a knock at her door.

“Come in,” she said, her voice as calm and steady as it usually was.

“Ma’am,” the familiar Northern Irish voice floated into her ear. Stella paused at the word she was on and swallowed, noting her hands chilling once more, noting the sweat beginning to return. She looked up to find herself on the received end of that smile again, found her stomach flip just a little... enough for her to notice and unsettle her slightly.

“Dani,” she smiled, thankful her voice betrayed nothing her body was currently going though.

“I was hoping to speak to you before the meeting, see how you were. It’s been a while,” she smiled back, that cute smile yet again. Stella was touched at the gesture, that she had cared enough to wanted to seek her out, to ask how she was.  

“I’m good, thank you. And yourself?” Stella asked her, her voice still, thankfully, supporting her.   

Dani tensed before nodding, “Yes ma’am, I’m good.” Stella raised her eyebrows. Although she was currently analysing her own actions, Dani’s still did not go unnoticed on her.

“You don’t sound too sure about that,” Stella smirked.

Dani smiled, a sad smile this time. “I’m ok, I’m just getting used to things I guess. Losing Brian... PC Stone... was hard to take.”

 _Shit,_ Stella thought. She had completely forgotten that Dani had lost her partner. _And there’s me smirking at her._  

“Then with the promotion... I don’t know, everything has just changed so fast, I need time to get used to it,” Dani continued. “I guess I should thank you, really, it could’ve easily been me too... my photo on that board,” she said, Stella noticing that her eyes had become brighter.

She frowned, “What do you mean?”

“I was promoted from being an Officer shortly after you left for London,” Dani told her, “I assumed you had something to do with it?”

Stella sat up back in her chair, “I... no, I didn’t,” she said truthfully.

“Oh,” Dani said, clearly surprised.

Stella smiled at her, “Clearly you impressed people other than me,” she told her.

“I impressed you?” Dani asked her, holding her gaze. Stella halted for a moment, caught off guard by Dani’s question.

“Yes,” she said truthfully, standing her own ground and keeping Dani’s gaze, almost impressed that Dani was maintaining eye contact. Previously, Dani used to shy away from Stella’s look. She remembered when Dani had come out to her, after her initial challenging stare, she looked at her almost doe-eyed. She had certainly changed since then, Stella thought as she gave Dani a small smirk.  

“Anyway,” she said, still holding her gaze and smirking slightly herself as though she was aware of the exchange between them, “I also came to say that I’ve been tasked with going through your interview with Spector.”

Stella sat forward at her desk, if Dani didn’t have her full attention before, she certainly did now. “Take a seat Ferrington,” she said, suddenly realising that Dani was still standing. She watched as Dani took a seat and found herself analysing her body language. She didn’t seem as shy as she did two years ago, she seemed more confident around her. Stella found that she liked it.

“What have you been asked to do?” Stella asked her, pleased that her voice was remaining its usual, calm self.  

“I’m on my way to the archives, to find your interview with Spector. I’m about to go through it and edit it for the trial,” she told her.

“I see,” Stella said, voice not quite as composed as it was a moment ago. “Why are you telling me this?” Stella asked her.

“I wanted to ask you if there was anything in the interview that you didn’t want presenting to the court,” Dani told her.

Stella shook her head; maybe she had gotten it wrong about Dani. “You can’t edit things out Ferrington, you don’t need me to tell you that.”

“I know ma’am, that’s not what I meant,” Dani said quickly. Stella almost felt relieved that she had misjudged her, before realising that the court would still be presented with all of her interview. “I just meant,” she began again, “the jury would receive a transcript, that goes without saying... but I wanted to check with you that there wasn’t anything you didn’t want the jury to see, or to hear. There’s a difference between reading something and seeing it play out in front of you.”

Stella was bemused for a moment, but allowed herself to mull Dani’s question over in her mind. Then she remembered, something that Spector had said to her, something that had struck a nerve. “Yes, there is something,” she told her truthfully. _Your obsession with your father,_ she remembered, _his looks, his eyes, his voice, his skin, his smell. Are you sure that way back, beyond your ability to truly remember, are you sure that he didn’t possess you? Little Stella in the night, make you his? It reads that way to me. If he didn’t... you sure as hell wanted him to._ “Spector implied,” Stella began, “that my father raped me as a child,” she said quietly, watching for Dani’s response. A slight raise of the eyebrows was all she received. “He also said that if that didn’t happen... I wanted it to.”

“I’ll edit that part out for you ma’am,” Dani said comfortingly.

Stella felt herself lose control again as her stomach flipped at the sincerity in Dani’s voice. She absent mindedly began lining the pens up on her desk, a way of regaining some control.

“Thank you,” she said genuinely. Dani gave her a reassuring smile and Stella knew that she could trust her with handling the interview footage.

“Anyway, if that’s all ma’am, I’ll be in my office if you need me,” she said and stood up and headed for the door. “Ma’am?” she said quietly.

Stella looked up.

“It’s good to see you,” she said, honesty in her voice, before leaving the room, leaving Stella sat yet again staring at an empty chair. She had forgotten for a moment that Dani was no longer an officer, that she had been promoted and had her own office now. She had forgotten how she used to wait to be excused from her office, it seemed as though their roles had reversed. Dani was now more successful than she was two years ago, had risen up the ranks and Stella was merely a visitor, no longer her boss. It didn’t sit quite right with Stella, Dani almost being her superior, but as she thought about it, once again she found she quite liked the new Dani.

“It’s good to see you too, Ferrington,” Stella said quietly to herself.      


	3. Out of my depth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that all characters and interview snippets belong to the BBC / RTE. 
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day <3 xx

Stella remained in her office, reading through case notes and trial documents, preparing answers to questions that she could be asked on the stand. Her concentration was fractured however, every time she thought of Dani watching her interview with Spector. It thrilled her somehow, knowing that she had Dani’s full attention without being in her presence... but it also made her anxious, knowing that she was being watched, being judged by the one person she felt the overwhelming desire to impress.

Sighing, she put down her pen and left her office to find her former 'right-hand man'. She felt herself drawn to her, wanting to be near her, to help her with her work maybe, or for something else, she did not know. All she knew is that she wanted to spend more time in the company of Dani Ferrington. She paused in front of her office door and resisted the temptation to knock. She felt as if she needed to regain some power over the situation she found herself in so instead of knocking, she entered the room unannounced, to let Dani unconsciously know that she was still someone to look up to, someone who was still in charge.

She found Dani sat facing away from her, laptop open, video playing, headphones on. She saw herself on the computer screen, red low-cut jumper showing just the right amount of cleavage. She remembered the decision she made to wear it, to make herself look just that little bit more feminine in an attempt to rile Spector and his misogynistic thoughts, to taunt him by wearing the same colour as the nail polish he used on his victims. She chose right, she thought, it seemed to work on Spector and, in a slightly more vain view, she looked good in it. She wondered if Dani had noticed this too before stopping herself in her tracks, bemused yet again by the thoughts running through her mind. She allowed herself one moment though, one moment of a private loss of control and let her thoughts wander in her mind.

 _What if she did like me?_ she wondered, whilst watching Dani watch her. _Would I use her? Could I use her? Is there something so innocent about her that meant I couldn't? So if I couldn't use her, I would have to want her, to like her,_ she thought. _Do I like Dani?_ She moved silently so that Dani was slightly more in profile. Stella studied her, her flame red hair coming to rest just above her shoulders, her hazel eyes that were so warm and inviting, the freckles that adorned her cheeks. Stella allowed herself to look further, to her lips... to her chest. She imagined what it would be like to kiss those lips, to be with a woman who knew her way around another woman’s body. Her own body answered her question... that familiar feeling of heat in the best of places. What was unfamiliar however, was that this feeling was paired with the return of butterflies to her stomach, with cold palms and a drying mouth.

“It’s rude to stare, you know?” came the Northern Irish voice Stella had begun to love.

Stella was acutely surprised, Dani had given no indication that she knew Stella was there, watching her.

“Then stop,” she said, in an attempt to remain witty and at a level ground in the conversation.

“Why would I do that?” Dani asked her, a playful smirk at her lips, her eyes never leaving the laptop screen.

Stella chuckled at her comeback, and shook her head slightly, not being able to think of an intelligent reply.

She watched as Dani pulled up a chair next to her and gestured that Stella should join her, holding out a pair of headphones for her. Stella steeled herself for a moment before sitting down next to Dani, noticing things she was usually above, the smell of her perfume, the heat of her body, the soft brush of her fingers as she passed her the headphones. Stella internally shook herself and focused on the interview.

 _“Were your fantasies always sexual in nature?”_ she heard herself ask Spector, aware of the irony of the subject of sexual fantasies when she was thinking of Dani in that way just moments before. She stole a glance at Dani, to see her reaction. She gave nothing away, eyes still focused on the screen. If Stella wasn't aware of the fact that Dani had just called her up on staring at her, Stella might have thought Dani was oblivious of her glance. Now, on the other hand, Stella chastised herself for being so obvious.

 _“When did the sexual impulse become fused with violence for you?”_ she asked Spector.

 _“You sound a little out of your depth, Stella,”_ he smirked.

“I wasn't out of my depth,” Stella found herself saying, defending herself to Dani.

“I know,” Dani said, and Stella knew from the way that she said it, she wasn't lying.   

 _"You’re a very self-aware person Stella. You spend a lot of time observing yourself. You have sex in the head. I doubt you've ever fully given yourself to anyone. I doubt you ever truly lose yourself,”_ she heard Spector say. Stella found her walls go up instinctively as she sat back in her chair, her body stiffening. She wondered what Dani was thinking. It was true, what Spector had said, she had never allowed herself to relinquish control enough to give herself properly to anyone. She was always in control, always the one on top, so to speak. She removed her headphones and placed them on Dani’s desk and stood up. She moved silently over to a side table in the office, to pour herself a cup of coffee, feeling Dani's eyes burn into the back of her head as she did so.

“Have you?” she heard Dani say. Stella paused, surprised at Dani’s bluntness, at her new-found confidence around her, surprised also at her own loss of confidence around Dani.

“Since when did you get so confident?” Stella asked her, purposely avoiding the question. She heard Dani chuckle and she paused the interview, removed her own headphones and came to stand by Stella, getting a coffee for herself. Stella noticed how close they were again. If this were the Dani from two years ago, she would have backed away from Stella, put some distance between them. Now it was Stella fighting the temptation to do just that.

“I’ve always been confident,” Dani told her.

“No, you haven’t,” Stella challenged her.

“Yes I have, you just haven’t seen it before,” she challenged back. Stella narrowed her eyes at what Dani was telling her. To her surprise, Dani continued.

“When you were here last, I hated myself for how I acted around you.”

“What do you mean?” Stella asked her.

“Truthfully... you intimidated me,” Dani admitted. Stella raised her eyes in surprise... not necessarily at what Dani was saying, but at the fact that she was saying it. She had always thought that she had intimidated Dani, she just didn't know in what form the intimidation took.

“And I don’t anymore?” Stella asked her, daringly taking a step closer to Dani, challenging her almost... challenging herself.

“No,” Dani told her, not backing away. “I've learnt to rise above my feelings.”

“Your feelings?” Stella asked her, a glimmer of hope rising up within her that she may actually have her fantasy become a reality.

“Yes... you were my superior, I felt like I had to impress you, especially when you chose me as your right-hand-woman. I was in awe of you, I suppose, you were always in control, intelligent, cool but not distant... good looking,” Dani dared to finish. Stella swallowed and felt her stomach flip once more at Dani’s admission. She knew Dani was gay, she had told her so herself, if she found Stella to be good looking, did that mean that she used to like her? Or simply appreciate her looks?

“And now?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper after daring herself to ask the question.

“Now... I've learnt to control my feelings,” Dani told her.

 _What does that mean?_ Stella thought, noting the use of present tense. The fact that they were still stood closer than usual to each other did nothing to help Stella control her feelings.

“So...” Dani said, breaking the silence that hung between them. “Have you?” she asked,

“Have I what?” Stella asked.

“Ever fully given yourself to anyone... lost yourself?”

Stella wasn't sure if she wanted to tell Dani the answer. To tell her would mean making herself vulnerable, giving Dani the upper hand in the conversation, and to do that meant that she, in turn, would lose some of the control.

“I prefer using sex as a physical release, rather than an emotional one,” she told her, figuring that Dani already knew this about her.

“A Sweet Night?” Dani asked her, her accent making it sound much sexier than it was.  

“Yes,” she said, surprised that Dani had remembered their conversation.

“You know, just because it’s a Sweet Night... doesn't mean that you can’t lose yourself,” Dani said suggestively.

“Have you?” Stella asked her, switching the conversation around, snatching the control from Dani’s grasp.

“Yes,” Dani told her. “You should try it sometime,” she added. _She knows I haven’t,_ Stella thought.

“Is that an offer?” Stella asked her, trying to lighten the conversation.

Dani looked at her, narrowed her eyes, gave her a cheeky, playful smirk.

“You’d be lucky,” she said before leaving Stella stood next to the coffee pot, mouth slightly open, as she returned to the interview.

 _Yes I would,_ Stella thought, finally admitting to herself that she definitely liked Dani Ferrington.      


	4. A Matter of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's a bit of a filler chapter but I needed something to set up the next chapter...

Days went past without Stella seeing Dani. She occasionally found herself walking past her office, in an attempt to glimpse her red hair, but to no avail. Instead, she immersed herself in the case, to try to take her mind off her new feelings. It worked, mostly, until she came to read a statement from Dani, or saw her in the edge of a crime scene photo, suiting her police uniform so well. Every statement of hers she read, she could hear Dani’s voice in her mind. At first she tried to stop it, but as she went on, she grew fond of the way Dani was making her not care as much, lose herself, succumb to her feelings.

Almost a week after their meeting in Dani’s office, Stella saw her. Just a flash of red through her office window was all that was needed to grab her attention. She moved over to the window and watched as she saw Dani walk with a suited man, who Stella knew to be Eastwood’s replacement, towards the front of the station. She was dressed in her new detective uniform and Stella thought she made it look better than she previously thought was possible. Stella turned away as soon as she rounded the corner and moved to switch on the small television in her office. _Press release,_ she thought, knowing that Dani was working other cases in addition to preparing for the Spector trial. She found what she was looking for at once, Dani stood in front of a dozen news reporters, calmly answering questions on her current case. Two years ago she would never have considered putting Dani in the proximity of reporters. Now, however, Stella was pleasantly surprised at the ease at which she answered questions. Stella sat back in her chair and watched her... studied her. Her voice, her empathetic eyes, her smile, were all beginning to win Stella over. Her observations were interrupted, however by a bang, so loud it distorted the speakers on the television, so loud that Stella heard it from her office. Stella watched in horror as Dani’s face contorted in a mixture of shock and pain as she fell, out of frame and out of Stella’s view.

“Dani,” Stella gasped, jumping from her chair and running for her office door. Scrambling, she pushed passed people towards the main entrance, forgetting about her cool exterior, forgetting for a moment about remaining in control. All that mattered to her was getting to Dani, making sure she was ok. People were emerging from offices after hearing the commotion but Stella had witnessed it, witnessed how the kind smile of Dani Ferrington had disappeared, heard the gasp of pain before she fell. She quickly made it to the main door before she was stopped from going any further. She was pushed back as people took refuge inside the building, away from the danger. She kept her eyes on the door, heart in her mouth until she saw that flash of red.

“Dani,” she said, barely registering the panicked word as it escaped from her lips again, as she pushed forward though the crowds. She saw her lying on the floor, gasping for air. The man she saw earlier with Dani was stood over her, also breathless from dragging her inside. _Fuck,_ Stella thought, panic running through her once more. Stella knelt beside her, not caring about the dozens of people watching, and leant in towards her.

“Dani,” she said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, trying not to let the terror show in her voice.

“Stella,” Dani choked out, fumbling at the buttons on her jacket.

“Shh, it’s ok,” Stella began, “you’re safe, you’re inside, you’re going to be ok,” she said, softly stroking her hair.

“Stella,” Dani gasped again.

“I’m here,” Stella told her, trying to remain calm, knowing that someone would have left to get help.

“I can’t breathe,” Dani gasped, still fumbling at her jacket.

Stella watched her and at once, she understood. She brushed Dani’s hands out of the way and unbuttoned her jacket, revealing a bullet proof vest with a mangled bullet wedged firmly in the centre. Relief washed over Stella and she heard sighs of relief from the crowd too. She unfastened the vest and was rewarded with a grateful moan from Dani, followed by shaky, but controlled breathing.

“Thank you,” she breathed, Stella never loving her Northern Irish voice more than she did right now. Stella paused as Dani grasped Stella’s hand with her own, gripping it tightly in a thank you before letting go.

“Ferrington, we need to get you checked over,” came a voice from the crowd, shattering the connection Stella felt with Dani at once. She was helped to her feet, away from Stella and towards an office where she saw a medic waiting for her.

“Ma’am,” Stella heard and turned to see Glen standing over her. “Emergency press conference, we need you,” he told her. “Don’t worry, it’s inside,” he added.

Stella stood up to face him.

“Why me?” she asked him.

“Thought we could use someone with experience, there’ll be a lot of tough questions I’m sure. You up for it?” he asked her.

Stella nodded and found herself being led back towards her office.

She stole a glance back towards the room where Dani had been taken, only to find, to her surprise and pleasure, that Dani was doing the same. They locked eyes, it was only for a second but Stella felt a connection, something that she had not felt before. It spoke of respect and appreciation, but also of raw emotion and desire. Desire for what, Stella didn’t know. A desire to be near Dani, to make sure she was ok, a desire for friendship, of something more? A mutual understanding passed between them and Stella knew that this was the start of something for them. She didn’t know what, she found that she didn’t really care, she just knew that it was a matter of time.     


	5. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For everyone who has commented on this story so far...

“Fucking journalists,” Stella muttered under her breath as she walked angrily to the ladies toilets. She had just come out of a tough press conference and it hadn’t helped matters that she was given no time to prepare and that the majority of the questions were about the shooting, something which she really did not want to keep going over. She hated answering questions about Dani, reassuring people who didn’t even know her that she was fine and well when all she wanted was for someone to assure _her_ that she was fine and well. Stella played the questions she was asked over in her mind, there were difficult ones, ones she mainly answered ‘I don’t know,’ to, and then some slightly more uncomfortable ones. She hated Glen for putting her on the spot, not giving her any time to prepare, asking her to perform for them... she felt like an idiot.

_‘Do you know the identity of the shooter?’ ‘Have you arrested the person who did this?’ ‘Was this a premeditated attack?’ ‘I heard you had some problems with dirty cops in the past, Olsen, Breedlove, is she dirty too?’ ‘There’s a rumour going around that she’s gay... reckon this could have been a hate crime?’_

“Fucking journalists,” Stella muttered again as she punched open the door before stopping in her tracks. Right in front of her, standing by the sinks, was the one person she had wanted to see since this had happened.

“Jesus, somebody get out of the wrong side of the bed today?” Dani smirked, unfastening her tie.

“I was perfectly fine until Glen asked me to run a press conference on the shooting,” Stella replied.

“Bastard, just because he doesn’t want to look the fool in front of the cameras,” Dani shook her head. “Not that you did, I’m sure,” she added quickly, taking her tie off and lying it on top of her jacket.

Stella found a small smile play at her lips and she relaxed slightly, it felt good after the onslaught of questions she had just had to answer.

“No, you were right the first time,” she said, walking over to the sinks to splash some cold water on her face. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and sighed, deciding she was going to be honest with Dani, or at least try to. Decided that she was going to let her guard down, just ever so slightly...

“I hated it,” she admitted as she grabbed a paper towel to dab her face dry. “I was going in unarmed. No facts, no figures, no pre-prepared answers to questions... just myself. I wasn’t,” she faltered.

“In control,” Dani finished for her.

Stella nodded her head and sighed again, “Exactly.”

“It’s not as scary as it sounds you know,” Dani told her, now unbuttoning her shirt and Stella’s stomach flipped at the sudden realisation she was getting changed in front of her.

“Maybe,” she said, “but not today.”

“When I saw you earlier, I thought you might’ve then too,” Dani began hesitantly, continuing to undo buttons and Stella had to physically force herself to look elsewhere.

“Thought I might have what?” Stella asked her.

“Lost control, if only slightly. I noticed how you pushed through the crowd to get to me,” Dani told her and Stella could feel heat rise up in her cheeks. “It was nice,” Dani said honestly, “having someone care that much,” she finished.

Stella stole a glance at her, noticing the truth in her eyes, the flash of a white bra peeking though the gap in her shirt.

“You’re welcome,” she said, just as honest.

“What did they ask you?” Dani asked her, sensing that Stella wasn’t particularly keen on discussing her feelings and changing the subject, something which Stella was grateful for.

“Mainly questions about you, most were ok but... some were not so nice,” she told her. “But the majority were them asking if you were ok,” Stella said, noticing that Dani was struggling to get out of her shirt, wincing every time she twisted too much,” which... I can see you’re not.”

“I’m ok,” Dani grimaced, “it only hurts when I move or breathe,” she added with a smirk coupled with a frown.

“Here,” Stella said, “let me help.” Before she was fully conscious of what she was doing, she found herself moving closer to Dani, standing behind her before beginning to slowly, gently, remove her shirt for her. Red hair tickled her fingers when they brushed her neck, the smooth skin of her back as she, almost sensually, slid it off her frame. Stella took an intake of breath as she took in the toned muscles of Dani’s back, trying not to stare but failing miserably. She was pleasantly surprised by Dani’s physique, not really going as far as imagining what lay underneath her uniform before now.

“Thank you ma’am,” Dani said quietly.

Stella reached around Dani and placed the shirt, now folded, on the sink along with her jacket and tie, and picked up the street shirt that Dani had laid out to wear.

“What were the not so nice questions?” Dani asked her. Stella realised that she sounded slightly nervous, almost like she used to act around Stella. _Maybe I haven’t lost my touch after all,_ Stella thought.

“They asked if you were a dirty cop,” Stella told her, helping her get her arms into the sleeves, felt her skin burn into her as she did so.

“That’s not so bad,” Dani shrugged.

“They also asked...” Stella began, placing an arm on each of Dani’s elbows and turning her so that they were facing each other. “...if it could be a hate crime against you,” she finished, pulling Dani’s shirt around her so that it lay on her frame as it should.

“A hate crime?” Dani asked. Dani began to button up her shirt but Stella brushed her hands away, not wanting to surrender the control she had only just regained.

“Yes,” she said, beginning to do the buttons herself, taking her time over each one. Dani looked at her and Stella could tell when she made the connection between what she had said and what it meant.

“I see,” she said quietly, letting Stella dress her, not challenging her again. “What did you tell them?” she asked her, slight fear in her eyes.

Stella smiled a reassuring smile at her, tenderly stroking the bruise that was beginning to form at the top of Dani’s stomach. Dani looked down, as though it was only just registering to her what Stella was doing.

“I told them...” she said, fingers now grazing Dani’s chest as she did up the last couple of buttons, “...that I didn’t think your boyfriend would think that was the case. Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

Dani’s head lifted to meet Stella’s eyes. That look between them was there again, Stella noticed. She watched as Dani searched her face, stole a glance at her lips.

“Thank you... I should have known I can trust you,” she whispered.

“You’re welcome,” Stella told her, just as quietly.

Stella leant around her once more and picked up Dani’s blazer, helping her into like she did her shirt, making sure it sat where it should on her chest, stroking the collar flat. They stood for a few seconds in silence, sharing their moment, whatever it meant, whatever it was, Stella’s hands still resting on Dani’s chest.

“I lied, before,” Dani told her. Stella narrowed her eyes in confusion.

“What about?” Stella asked her, maintaining their closeness, feeling brave and not backing away.

“I don’t think I’m controlling my feelings very well anymore,” she said. Stella noticed that her voice had hitched slightly; she was beginning to see the Dani from two years ago.

“And I think...” she continued.

“What do you think?” Stella asked her, her fingers finding Dani’s hair and she began absentmindedly twiddling the flame red silkiness between her fingers.

“I think you’re finally daring to lose yourself,” she told her. Stella swallowed and stopped what she was doing immediately, backing away from Dani. Although she hated to admit it, she missed her warmth instantly. Dani laughed and shook her head.

“Why am I not surprised?” she asked her, turning away herself and began putting her detective uniform into her bag.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Stella asked her, annoyed that a few seconds ago she was the former, confident Stella, Dani the shy cop, now they had switched again in a blink of her eyes.

“You’re so predictable. Always so cool, calm, collected, why, for _once_ , can’t you just let go of the crap you have inside of you that makes you scared of not being that person? Why do you _always_ have to be in control?” Dani asked her. Stella stood there, open mouthed and wide eyed that someone, especially someone like Dani, would speak to her like that. No one had done that for a long, long time.

“I see,” she said curtly.

“I mean, what do you think is going to happen to you if you just lose yourself for one moment?” Dani asked her.

Stella didn’t answer, didn’t want to answer. She was annoyed with Dani for picking up on her actions, more annoyed at herself for being so obvious about them. When she didn’t reply, Dani spoke for her.

“You’re scared of getting hurt,” she said. Stella said nothing. She was right, of course she was right, it was Dani, she had the uncanny talent of always being right.

“You’re scared that if you show emotion, people could use it against you. You’re scared that if you let go, lose yourself, feel something deeper then you could get hurt. Just because you lost your Dad, doesn’t mean the outcome is always like that,” she said.

Stella clenched her jaw and turned away at the mention of her Dad. It was true, what Dani had said, every word. She had loved her father and her father loved his work. On one case he got too involved, too emotional, he paid the ultimate price. Simultaneously she had learnt not to show her emotions and love, for both ended in heartbreak. She had carried that outlook ever since her childhood. Irritably, as though it was a sign of weakness, nothing more, she brushed away a tear that had escaped from her one of her eyes.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Dani asked her. Stella sighed, her body was screaming at her to not answer Dani, to leave while she still had her dignity intact.  

“You’re not wrong,” she gave in.

“You know, I really tried this time to be more confident around you. I actually quite liked it, not feeling intimidated all the time. And then I noticed something... you were different too. I thought that maybe it was the start of something, a mutual understanding, a good partnership, trust. I trust you; I know that you’ll be there for me, to keep my secret.” Stella thought back to when she had ran after Dani this morning, kept her secret during the press conference, as it turned out she had done both of those things today. “But it seems,” Dani continued, “you won’t even trust me not to hurt you.”

Stella faltered, not sure how to answer her. _In what sense does she think I don’t trust her? As a colleague, a friend... something more?_

“Thank you for helping me get changed,” Dani said before heading for the door.

“Dani, wait!” Stella said desperately. Dani stopped at the door, turned to look at Stella.

“I do trust you,” Stella said truthfully.

“Only as a colleague,” Dani said sadly before turning on her heel.

Stella winced as she watched her leave, heard the door slam shut behind her.

 


	6. Letting Down Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stella finally builds up the confidence to lose some control...
> 
> Here it is! The penultimate chapter! I'm mega nervous about writing the last one, please bear with me...

Stella paced up and down the bathroom, angry at the journalists, angry at Spector for bringing her back here, angry at Dani for calling her up on her insecurity, but most of all, angry at herself. Angry at how her usual, confident self turned into a teenage girl around Dani. Angry at how Dani had noticed the chips in her walls, walls she had spent years building, years cementing the cracks. She pondered what she should do now, what her next move in this chess game of emotion was. It would be easier if she had played this particular version before. Should she go back to her office, pretend this conversation had never happened? Ignore Dani, keep her distance? Talk to her, tell her that Dani had gotten the wrong end of the stick? _No,_ she thought. She didn’t know much about her next actions, but she couldn’t do that. _Tell her the truth?_ The thought filled her with dread. What if _she_ had gotten the wrong end of the stick? What if Dani didn’t like her how she liked Dani? What if she laughed at her? What if she embarrassed herself? Stella walked over to the sinks, placed a hand on either side of one and looked at her reflection in the mirror. _Fuck,_ she thought. She thought she was the same since she had been here last, thought she hadn’t changed.  _I thought wrong,_ she sighed sadly, not knowing whether she recognised the woman in the mirror or not anymore. She knew one thing though, the old Stella was confident, cool, collected, if she didn’t feel it, she was at least going to act like it.

She stood up straight, made sure her hair fell perfectly around her face, made sure her silk blouse was tucked into her pencil skirt, that her top button was undone to reveal the perfect amount of cleavage. Taking a deep breath, she walked out of the bathroom and towards Dani’s office.

She strode up to the door, held her hand out for a knock that never came. She froze. She had never frozen before. It was the uncertainty, the lack of control. If she walked in there, told Dani what was on her mind, she would be handing Dani all of the control between them. Something which meant, by default, she would be losing all of hers. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, heard her own voice in her mind. _“I do trust you,”_ she heard herself say to Dani and she knew she could do it, knew in her heart that Dani wouldn’t think any less of her, wouldn’t laugh at her, knew that she could hand over control to Dani, if only for a moment.

She let herself in to Dani’s office, choosing not to knock. Dani looked up from her desk, stopped what she was writing and Stella saw her take a small intake of breath.

“Stella,” she said, sounding slightly surprised.

“Ferrington,” Stella replied, her voice sounding like its usual self, much to her relief.

“We’re back to Ferrington now are we?” Dani asked her, the surprise now gone from her voice, replaced with disappointment.

“Yes...” Stella told her. A pause, a fraction of time to convince herself what she was about to do was a good idea. “...You’re back to Ferrington because if I called you Dani, I would feel like we’re equals, which I know we are but right now what I need is to feel like your superior, your boss, just for a moment because if I don’t, I feel as though I won’t be able to say what I’m about to say and I want to say it... at least I think I want to say it... but that means tricking myself into thinking I have some control over this conversation...” she paused and stole a glance at Dani.

She nodded, “Ok... ma’am,” she said, giving her some control to cling on to.

Stella smiled slightly at her actions before taking a shaky breath and continuing what she had started.

“...But the truth is, I don’t have any control, none at all, I’m trusting you with it all. I trust you, Ferrington, I meant it when I said that... who I don’t trust is myself. I don’t trust myself because I’m so used to being in control over everything I do, everything I’m thinking, feeling, doing... but not with you... I like you, Ferrington, and not just as a colleague. Spector was right, I’ve never lost myself with anyone but... I think I might be with you.”

Stella stood still, the silence in the room deafening. She had done it; given Dani the power, the control... she hated it. She hated how she felt helpless, how she couldn’t change the outcome of this conversation even if she wanted to; everything was resting on Dani’s shoulders. She watched as Dani took in what she had just heard. She gave nothing away, didn’t let her face show any emotion.  

Slowly, she rose from her chair and walked around her desk, so that they no longer had obstacles between them, just open space. Dani perched on her desk and gripped the side of it with both hands. She looked calm, relaxed, the exact opposite of what Stella was feeling. Stella tried to use all of her skills as a profiler, tried to unlock Dani’s mind though her emotions and actions... but she was giving nothing away. Finally, she spoke.

“I see,” Dani said, her voice not quite as steady as it usually was.

Stella took an intake of breath, as though she had received a physical blow, immediately felt her walls, what was left of them, go back up around her. If Dani had felt the same way she wouldn’t be sat in silence, weighing up how to get out of this conversation, Stella thought.

Stella cleared her throat. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this conversation to anyone, Ferrington,” she told her before leaving Dani’s office, leaving the vulnerable Stella behind her. Thankfully, she saw no one on the way to her own office, no one to witness her eyes become misty, no one to see her with a broken mask. She opened her office door, relieved to be in the sanctuary of her private space.

She felt someone enter immediately behind her, saw a flash of red before being pushed up against her office door, shutting it in the process. She was faced with soft, hazel eyes before she felt even softer lips crash into her own. Her head was pushed against the door, the slight amount of pain letting her know that she wasn’t dreaming. Her body was betraying her, not kissing back, not knowing how to when it fully desired the other person, physically and emotionally. Instead, she stood there in shock, in awe of what was happening. Dani broke the kiss and pulled away ever so slightly. Stella could feel her knees become weak at the heat of Dani’s body against her own, at her hot breath on her lips.

“Sorry, I had to build up the courage to do that,” Dani told her. It was a small gesture, a small truth but it made Stella realise that there were two of them in this room feeling like she did, neither of whom were holding the power.

“I thought you were confident around me now?” Stella asked her, her voice sounding a lot deeper than it did back in Dani’s office.

“God no, not like this,” Dani smiled before stopping herself, a serious expression on her face. Stella was ready for it this time, appreciated the mix of colours in Dani’s eyes, the perfume on her skin, the caress of her hand on her cheek as she leant in for another kiss, more sensual than the last, rushed one. Stella felt her eyes close on contact, her soft lips against her own, the silkiness of her tongue teasing her bottom lip. She felt herself regain some composure as she kissed her back, nipped at her top lip, ran her hands over her waist. Way too soon they were both pulling apart, gasping for air but with their bodies begging for more.

“Come to my hotel room tonight... Dani?” Stella asked her.

Dani nodded, her chest flushed, “Yes ma’am.”   


	7. Time to lose control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so, here we are - at the last chapter already! 
> 
> A HUGE thank you to everyone who has commented on this, I love you all - comments are seriously the best thing about writing on here!
> 
> I really, really hope you enjoy this last chapter - it's been days in the making and I really hope I don't disappoint. Also, please bear with me on it, I've never written anything like this before (in this amount of detail), so to say that I'm nervous posting this is an understatement. 
> 
> I've left the ending open - make of it what you will! Personally, I can't see Stella truly falling for Dani, I think she's been an island for too long and I think Dani knows that. However, I also can't see this as being their one and only night together - maybe they live happily ever after as 'very good friends with amazing benefits'?! :D
> 
> Finally (sorry, this is starting to sound like an Oscar's speech), I want to say a huge thank you to Emma_TheFall who has given me the motivation to keep going and who has commented on every single chapter! Thank you! x

The scene was set; bed made, showered, shaved, hair blow dried, make-up on, lacy underwear, silk vest tucked into high-rise slacks... scotch downed.

She waited in silence, her breathing the only sound in the otherwise silent room. Butterflies began stirring from their slumber in her stomach, her palms prickled, her whole body anticipating what would happen when the knock at the door would inevitably come.

Silence persisted, with the feeling of nervousness and excitement continuing to build inside her. She had never wanted someone as overwhelmingly as she currently wanted Dani. She had never been with anyone she wanted to connect with emotionally, not Anderson, Olsen, not even Reed. She had wanted to be with them, of course, but only physically... a sweet night... a fuck. Dani was different, somehow, she was different and that scared Stella, led her hand to find the bottle of scotch once more. She poured herself another glass and downed it in one, satisfied at the familiar burn in her throat, the tingle of warmth it left coursing through her body. She felt the butterflies tame, as though they themselves had had one too many drinks and could no longer fly. She felt calm. She felt composed. Now she was ready.

When the knock came she felt prepared. Her senses felt alive as she walked the length of the room to open the door, to reveal the younger officer stood before her.

“Good evening, Stella,” Dani said quietly. Stella smiled softly in return and stood aside to let her in, placing the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door before she closed it. When the door snapped shut, silence permeated the room once more. This was happening.

“Nice room,” Dani said, breaking the silence and removing her jacket to reveal her detectives uniform. Stella took a silent intake of breath; she had not been expecting that, it was definitely a welcome surprise, even if it was partially hidden beneath her bullet-proof vest.

“Back in uniform already?” Stella asked, daring to come to stand behind Dani, to take her coat from her, throw it over the back of a nearby chair, and to bury herself in her neck, placing a tender kiss just below her ear.

“Press conference, let the public know that I’m ok,” Dani said, and Stella smirked at the small sigh that came from her mouth as she did so. She felt Dani’s hand reach behind her to rest on the back of her neck, to silently ask her to continue what she was doing. Dani let her head tilt to one side, to give Stella better access and Stella began to reach her hands around the front of Dani, letting them roam but finding them impeded by the vest.

“Stella, wait,” Dani told her. Stella stopped but didn’t pull away, enjoying the scent of Dani’s perfume too much to do that.

“What?” Stella asked, deliberately whispering it right into Dani’s ear. She may be nervous, but she knew what she was doing, knew how to achieve reactions, knew how to take charge.

“Before we start anything,” Dani said, pulling away from Stella and turning around to look at her. Stella missed her warmth, her smell, instantly.

“Scotch?” Stella asked her, walking over to the bottle, thinking that Dani, like her, needed some Dutch courage.         

“No, thank you,” Dani told her, and Stella paused where she was. Maybe Dani wasn’t as nervous as she thought; maybe it was just her that was feeling the butterflies.

“I wanted to say,” Dani began, “that this is what you want it to be.”

Stella burrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean?” she asked. She had a talent for knowing what other people were thinking, she was able to get inside their head, think like them, but not with Dani.

“If you want this to just be a one night stand, a sweet night, it can be. If you want this to be a ‘holiday romance’ while you’re here for the case, it can be. If you wanted me to be your occasional lover... I can be. If you found yourself... wanting something more... it can be.”

Stella swallowed nervously at what Dani was telling her. She was letting Stella know that she had no expectations, that she didn’t expect anything from her after tonight but that she was offering everything if Stella desired. To say that Stella was touched at her gesture was an understatement.

“But...” Dani continued. Stella looked at her with searching eyes.

“Yes?” Stella asked, that one word a genuine question searching for an answer, wanting to know what Dani wanted in return.

“But tonight, you have to give me the power, the control... I don’t want you to be afraid to lose yourself.”

Stella let out a shaky laugh. “I should have seen that one coming,” she admitted.

“I’m surprised you didn’t,” Dani told her.   

Stella thought about Dani’s offer. Yes, the thought of handing over control and letting go of all her inhibitions scared her shitless, but then she thought about Dani’s other side of the bargain... if it did indeed scare her and she hated it, she never had to expect anything more from Dani. If she found she liked it, she knew Dani would be there for her. There would never be the case of crossed wires, there would be no embarrassment, no broken hearts.

Stella poured herself one last glass of scotch as Dani walked over to her.

“Deal,” she said nervously as she pressed the glass to her lips. She felt Dani’s hand around her own and watched as the glass holding that magical, inhibition-lowering amber liquid was removed from her hand, watched as Dani pressed it to her own lips and grimace as it burned her throat.

“Didn’t say _I_ wasn’t afraid,” Dani told her with a smirk as she placed the glass back on the table. Stella smiled to herself, knowing that she was at least right about one thing, as she allowed herself to be gently pushed towards the nearest wall.  

She let out a small gasp as she simultaneously felt the cool, hardness of the wall on her back, and the warmth of Dani’s body pressing into her front. She faltered, not knowing where to put her hands, not knowing where she wanted to touch first. No... she knew where. She wanted to feel her soft lips on her own again, wanted to taste the scotch on her tongue. She cupped Dani’s face with her hands and gently pulled her in for a kiss. She found her reaction was just as strong as it was earlier in her office. A contented sigh escaped from her as she connected with Dani mouth, her impossibly soft lips coming into contact with her own. She allowed herself to be kissed, allowed Dani to take control and she revelled in the feeling. She had never permitted anyone to take control before, but she found herself pleasantly surprised, surprised at the way Dani nipped at her bottom lip, surprised at the way Dani knew exactly when to increase the pressure, when to pull back. She found herself wanting more, found her hands tangling in Dani’s hair, pulling her impossibly closer. She was met with Dani pulling away, just a fraction, an inch, but she knew it served as a reminder that she was in control.

“I know,” she whispered, and God did she know, and God she didn’t care, and oh my God she found she actually quite liked it.

She was rewarded with Dani’s hands cupping her face, fingers tangling in her own hair, lips more forcefully against her own, felt the hot, wet, silkiness of her tongue tentatively stroke her bottom lip, a silent question to deeper the intimacy. It was a question that Stella didn’t need to think twice about before answering, parting her lips for Dani. She allowed Dani to explore her mouth, to flick her tongue against her own, to start a duel that Stella knew she would lose, knew she would lose because she would let Dani win. She felt Dani’s hands travel down to her stomach, could feel blazingly hot fingers brush the bare skin of her abs as Dani untucked her top from her slacks. She felt her eyes roll back in her head as Dani’s hands roamed under her top, as they explored, outlined the taut muscles of her stomach. Stella didn’t know what to do with herself. She was usually one step ahead, knew what was coming next... but not tonight. So instead, she found herself going along with the ride, allowed her hands to continue to mess themselves in Dani’s hair, allowed Dani to take the lead. She felt Dani pull away from the kiss, parting their lips but keeping their bodies close. Stella dared herself to look at her... really look at her, look at her lips, already becoming slightly kiss-swollen, look at the freckles on her nose, look at her darkened eyes, almost brown with desire. She felt Dani’s hands begin to lift her shirt and Stella brought her hands down to help her, only to find them gently batted away. Instead, Dani continued to lift her shirt up over her head and Stella heard it drop to the floor. They stood there, silence once more engulfing the room, broken only by a nervous swallow from Stella. It had been years, she realised, since she had let anyone undress her. All she knew right then was that she wanted more of Dani, wanted to see more, feel more. Her hands reached up to the fastenings of Dani’s vest and removed it hastily, revealing more of the body that was hidden underneath. She let it drop in a thud as it joined her top on the floor. Dani gave her a brief, barely-there smile before bringing one of her hands up to tangle in Stella’s hair, tugging, ever-so-slightly, another silent request, asking Stella to bare her neck for her. Stella did as she was asked, allowing Dani to plant feather-light kisses below her ear, her collar bone, the hollow at the front of her neck. Stella’s hands found their way to Dani’s hips as she grasped at them roughly, in need of an anchor. As Dani’s lips roamed Stella, Stella hands did the same, her path no longer impeded by the bulky vest. She feverishly brushed Dani’s waist, her stomach, gently passed the bruise she knew was hidden under her uniform before finding solace at her breasts, grasping at them firmly. She felt, rather than heard, a moan escape from Dani’s lips. She felt upwards, unclipped Dani’s tie and let it join the ever-growing pile on the floor next to them. Trembling fingers found their way to the buttons on Dani’s shirt and they reversed the journey they had taken earlier in the day, unbuttoning them almost agonizingly slowly. She’d be damned if she didn’t want this to last. Stella’s hands brushed under the shirt at Dani’s shoulders as she gently shrugged it from her frame, feeling her muscled arms as she did so. She paused to gaze at her again, studied her, fully this time, not just the fleeting glance she had stolen in the bathroom earlier that day. Her frame was all the more slender without her uniform, all the more feminine. Hands resting on her slim waist, she took in her toned abs, her breasts, encased in a simple white bra, the bruise that was still darkening, still spreading at the top of her stomach. She slowly, gently, stroked her fingers over it, knowing that Dani trusted her to do this.

“Looks sore,” Stella whispered.

“I’ll survive,” Dani replied, both of their voices considerably deeper than they were a few moments ago.

Dani captured Stella’s lips in a kiss once more, as she pressed herself into her. Stella moaned into her mouth as she felt herself pinned between the wall and Dani, it feeling all the better now that she could feel Dani’s body, feel her hips dig roughly into her own, her breasts brush against hers. God she wanted more... needed more. As if on cue, Stella felt Dani tug at her trousers, felt them lower around her waist, felt Dani’s hands cup her ass as they gathered around her ankles.

“Hold on,” Dani whispered into her ear and suddenly, Stella was lifted. Simultaneously, her arms draped over Dani’s shoulders, her legs wrapped around her waist. She felt herself being pushed into the wall once more as Dani placed a searing kiss on her lips, a lot more passionate than the last. She heard a small gasp as they crashed into the wall and Stella paused the kiss.

“Does that hurt?” she asked her, remembering how Dani could barely get changed out of her uniform earlier.

“Yes,” Dani nodded “But you’re worth it,” she added before continuing the kiss with, if it was possible, more passion than before.  

Stella was beginning to feel overwhelmed, with desire, with need, with arousal. Her hands searched Dani’s back, feeling the muscles flex as she continued to lift Stella, began stroking her hands up and down her arms, feeling the muscles there too, finding herself unable to stop. She bucked her hips slightly, warm embers now a raging fire where she desired Dani the most, trying to find purchase against Dani’s frame. She believed Dani when she said she was worth the pain. She knew, since Burns had told her, that men fell at her feet, how they would say anything, act heroic for a response from her, but she knew Dani was different. Knew in her heart that she really did think that Stella was worth the pain she felt. She was saying all of the right things, doing all of the right things... and God was it working.

“Oh my God,” Stella breathed between kisses. She couldn’t get over how someone so soft, so feminine could show such strength, both physically and emotionally. It turned her on more than she thought it would.

“Oh my God,” she gasped again as Dani removed a hand from the back of one of Stella’s thighs and roughly squeezed Stella’s breast.

“Shit... Fuck,” Stella moaned as Dani pinched a taut nipple through the lace, as she sucked hard on her neck, Stella knowing and not caring that it would leave a mark. God she was glad that she had agreed to let Dani be in control.

“Bed?” she heard Dani ask and all Stella could do was nod. She felt arms secure around her back as Dani slowly started to walk to the bed, Stella still at her hips, her hands now tangled again in her hair, joined at the lips.

She found herself being lowered, gently, onto the crisp covers, making sure she pulled Dani down with her, wanted to feel the weight of her on top of her. Hands found her back once more, stroking, then scraping her nails lightly at the muscles she found there. Her hands travelled lower, over the small of her back, earning her a soft moan, to the trousers that obstructed her hands of coming into contact with more skin. She popped the button, slowly, sensually, slid down the zip and helped Dani remove them, discarding them, not caring where they landed. Dressed only in their underwear now, legs intertwined, Dani began a slow, almost torturously slow, journey of kisses down Stella’s body. Ear, neck, chest, stomach, all adding to the arousal that Stella felt, all acting as fuel to the fire that was burning out of control between her legs. She felt Dani reach behind her and effortlessly unhooked the clasp of Stella’s bra, pulling away slightly to remove it. Stella lay there, Dani atop of her and suddenly felt self-conscious. She couldn’t remember the last time she had allowed to show this much skin. She swallowed nervously as Dani looked down at her.

Slowly, almost as if she were afraid, Dani reached out and gently held Stella’s breasts in her hands, tenderly grazed her nipples with her thumbs. Stella’s breath hitched at the contact.

“You’re beautiful,” Dani whispered, and Stella could hear the truth in her voice.

Suddenly, all previous doubt melted away and she sat up to take Dani’s cheeks in her hands once more, connect their lips and pull her back down on top of her, all the while Dani’s hands still connected to her chest. Stella manoeuvred her leg so that it found Dani’s centre and was rewarded with a moan. She could feel the heat radiating from Dani’s centre on her thigh and began an experimental rub against it. She may be less experienced when it came to sleeping with women than Dani, Stella thought, but she knew enough, knew what felt good, knew what they responded to. She sat up once more, taking Dani with her, making sure her leg stayed where it was, making sure it kept moving under Dani, now with more pressure that she was sitting on it. Stella reached behind Dani’s back to remove her bra, having to use two hands over Dani’s experienced one. She paused at the sight of Dani’s breasts, slightly smaller than her own, but perfectly formed. Like Dani, Stella gently cupped them in her hands before leaning closer and taking a soft pink bud in her mouth.

“Fuck,” Dani moaned, as Stella swirled her tongue, could feel it hardening in her mouth. Dani’s hands came to her head and pulled her closer, something Stella was more than happy to oblige to. Stella moved her hands to Dani’s hips and slowly, began rocking them back and forth, increasing the friction between her leg and Dani’s centre. She could feel the wetness from Dani’s core on her leg, even through the material of her underwear. She felt Dani’s hips begin to move faster, putting more pressure on Stella’s thigh. Stella watched as Dani’s eyes closed in pleasure, at how her lips parted in a silent gasp. She was enthralled, truly appreciating for the first time in years the pleasure she was giving to someone else, and not the other way around.

Suddenly, Dani stopped moving. She looked at Stella as though she had only just remembered their deal, that it was Dani in control tonight. She slid off Stella’s thigh and down her body, taking Stella’s underwear with her as she went. Stella gasped as Dani spread her legs, at both the sudden role-reversal and at the cold air meeting her burning core. She began a slow journey of kisses upwards, starting just below her knee and kept going until she was an inch away from where Stella wanted, needed her most.

“Dani,” Stella whispered. She could literally wait no more. Dani had worked her up, wound her so tightly that it was almost painful, her clit now throbbing uncontrollably.   

She saw Dani smirk slightly at her reaction before she closed the gap.

Stella let out a soft cry as Dani’s tongue came into contact with her. If she had thought Dani’s tongue felt good in her mouth, then there were no words to describe how amazing it felt between her legs. Smooth, hot, wet glided against her own and Stella had to fight the screams that were threatening to escape from her throat. She moaned as Dani’s tongue flicked, licked, swirled.

“You’re so wet,” she heard Dani say. Stella knew she was wet, knew she was soaking, in fact she was pretty sure that all of the moisture in her body had travelled south to where Dani’s mouth currently was. Of course she was wet because God she was good. God she was so fucking good. She realised, in the midst of her passion, that Dani was the only woman she’d slept with who had been with other women, realised that her earlier thought about Dani knowing what she was doing was true. She knew exactly where to place her tongue, when to add pressure, _where_ to add pressure, knew that the valley between her centre and her clit was meant to be stroked, teased.

“Fuck, Dani,” she gasped. Already she could feel the familiar tightening as her gut coiled, could feel the pressure building, the warmth tingling through her body. Is this what it’s like, she thought, when you let yourself go, let somebody else take control, want the other person both physically and emotionally? She was usually so in-tune with her own body, knew exactly how long it would take her to reach that glorious high, but not this time. Dani seemed to have turned her on so much, wound her so tightly that she had bypassed minutes. Her hips bucked of their own accord and Dani’s hands reached up to Stella’s hips, holding them down firmly on the bed. Stella’s body tensed, she was so close to the edge, so close, so so close. Dani’s tongue felt like a fire and she didn’t know how much longer she would be able to take the heat. Her hands found the bed covers and gripped them, balling her hands into fists, clinging on to something in an attempt to hold on, in an attempt to stop herself from being tipped over the edge. God she wanted this to last, didn’t want to come yet, didn’t want Dani to think she couldn’t last more than a couple of minutes. But as Dani’s tongue continued to swirl, she found herself not caring, wanting more. Her legs wrapped around Dani, her heels dug into her back as she panted, unable to stop herself, unable to care enough to _try_ and stop herself.

Then she stopped. Stella cried out at the sudden loss of contact, the almost painful retreat away from the precipice and looked down at Dani. Stella thought she saw a small smirk etched onto her lips.

“What the fuck?!” Stella almost shouted.

“What the fuck, what?” Dani smirked, a definite one this time as she placed a chaste kiss on Stella’s clit, instantly dangling her over the edge again before looking back up at Stella.

She swore under her breath. She knew exactly what Dani was doing. Knew that she was going to drive her wild with want, knew that she was going to be so frustrated that she wouldn’t care about truly letting herself go. Damn, Dani had always been annoyingly clever, one step ahead, Stella thought.

Dani climbed back up Stella’s body and rolled them both so that Stella was now the one on top, the one on top, but not the one in control. She was sat, straddling Dani’s lap, moaning once more as a one of her nipples found itself in Dani’s mouth, having a tongue swirled against it, just as Stella had previously done to Dani.

“Dani,” Stella hissed, past caring at what she sounded like.

Dani obliged, running her hand along the length of Stella’s inner thigh before seeking out the hot pool between her legs. Tongue was replaced with fast moving fingers, ones that circled, clockwise, counter clockwise, split so that her clit was nestled between them. Pleasure engulfed Stella as she pressed her bruised lips to Dani’s, tasting a mixture of scotch and her own arousal on her tongue. She felt fingers slow, Dani knew she was dangerously close to the edge for a third time. Instead of stopping this time though, Stella was poised, dangling as the tips of Dani’s fingers placed feather-light touches on her over-sensitive clit. God she wanted to come, wished that Dani would give her that little bit more, just a little more pressure to give Stella the release she wanted... needed.

“Please, Dani,” she begged now. She knew she was completely at Dani’s mercy, both hated and loved it at the same time. She felt Dani replace her fingers with her thumb and she slowly, easily, slipped two fingers inside Stella, connected lips with nipple once more.

“Oh my God!” Stella cried, as Dani began stroking that magical spot, again with just enough pressure to not quite give her that satisfaction she so desperately needed. This, combined with the flicking of her thumb, the swirling of her tongue was enough to drive Stella insane. She gripped Dani’s back, felt her fingernails pierce skin as she desperately both tried to cling on and fall over the edge.  

“God I hate you,” she moaned. She felt Dani chuckle against her breasts.

“No you don’t,” she countered. God, Stella loved that accent, loved the way she made her feel, loved how she knew exactly what to do to drive her wild, loved how she was her anchor, something to hold on to in this moment.

“Yes I do, I hate you,” Stella panted, “but God I love you.”

They both paused, Stella froze, forgetting for a moment the sensations in her body. Dani, a frozen chuckle on her mouth, looked up at Stella. Stella shook her head.

“I didn’t mean that,” she began, still breathing heavily, “I just meant, now, in the moment, what you’re doing.” Dani nodded reassuringly.

“I know,” she said softly. “I know.”

And Stella knew that she _did_ know, knew what she meant, knew that she understood. She knew that she could trust Dani, hadn’t she always been able to trust Dani? She knew they understood each other as she slowly began the climb back up to the cliff’s edge. Knew, also, that this time Dani wouldn’t make her wait, knew in her heart that Dani would give in, let her have her release. She knew this as she felt her walls tighten around Dani’s fingers, felt that exquisite, indescribable moment of nothingness before her orgasm hit her like a freight train. Her body tensed and arched as a silent cry escaped from her lips, as Dani’s fingers continued to work their magic, drawing it out, letting Stella savour every moment. When the last of the shockwaves coursed through her body, Dani removed her hand, letting it join the other one at Stella’s back and held her. Held her until her breathing began to come under control, until her body had regained enough strength to not hang limp in Dani’s arms. Stella felt herself being lowered, on top of Dani who was now lying on the bed, head resting on a pillow.

“Fuck,” Stella whispered, a shaky laugh leaving her lips. “That was...” she began, not really knowing what words to use to describe the most powerful orgasm someone had ever given her.

“I know,” Dani told her gently.

She continued to hold her, until she felt strong enough to prop herself up on her arms, still lying on top of Dani. Stella studied her face once more, taking in more detail than she did before.

“How did you get this?” she asked her softly, trailing a finger along a small scar on her forehead.

“In a fight,” she answered.

“Cheating death? Fighting for truth and justice?” she asked her with a smile, echoing the same question she had asked when she was last in Belfast. Dani smiled back, Stella knew she remembered.

“My brother threw a toy train at me when we were growing up,” she smiled. Stella couldn’t help but laugh.

She began to question how much she was enjoying Dani’s company, how much she made her feel. She had already decided that she wanted Dani to stay the night, that she wouldn’t mind sleeping next to her, waking up beside her, her red hair fanned out on the pillow, a bare, freckled shoulder peeking out from beneath the sheets. She knew she wanted another night like this... but every night? Stella Gibson wasn’t made for relationships, she knew that much. But she also knew that she had never even contemplated even the idea of one before now.

“Stella,” Dani whispered pointedly.

“Yes?”

“Please stop analysing everything for one moment... and fuck me,” she said.

And Stella realised. She didn’t have to analyse everything right now, perhaps didn’t have to analyse anything at all. Dani had already told her she was in control after tonight, that she should let go, be care free... just for tonight. She trailed a hand down Dani’s body, pushed aside her underwear and felt impossible wetness. Dani gasped at the contact and gripped Stella’s arms tightly.

“Dani,” Stella whispered, in awe of Dani’s response to her.

“Fuck me,” Dani repeated, urgency in her voice now.

 _Fuck it,_ Stella thought.

“Yes ma’am.”              

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s. did you all see there's going to be a series 3?! :D


End file.
